One week ago

I can't believe it has already been a week since we lost Nicolas.  The hurt and pain is still very real and deep.  We had a beautiful memorial service this evening.  Here are some of the things we had to say about our dear little boy Nicolas.

From me (Natalie)
God and Nicolas had a plan. As a family we may have hoped for a different one, but we are at peace with the path that he and God chose.  Nicolas was a special gift who constantly reminded me of his presence through the bumps and swirls in my belly.  Nicolas radiated love as evident through my beautiful pregnancy glow.  Through 3D ultrasounds from Bella Angel Imaging and Sustaining Grace we were able to learn about our little boy and watch his antics.  We knew that he loved to suck on his left thumb and constantly played in his big bubble.

We didn’t expect Nicolas to arrive so early, and were devastated when we learned that his heart no longer beat.  As our nurse so gently told us, Nicolas had New Years Eve plans.  Nicolas and God had created the perfect plan where Bryan and I could take the time to bring him into this world without chaos.

Even with as much sadness as we felt, we shared a few laughs with the nurses as well.  When my water broke, Bryan and I heard a loud pop and watched as I flooded the bed.  The nurses had never seen so much fluid and we all laughed as we tried to clean things up.  Nicolas arrived into our world at 10 minutes to 10 just before the new year.  Just as we had seen in the womb, he was born with his left thumb secure in his precious mouth.  Nicolas looked like a little dark haired Bryan.  I am still amazed at his full head of beautiful dark hair.

The nurses at Abbott Northwestern Hospital knew we loved our special boy and made sure that he was treated with kindness and respect.  The nurses helped bathe his little body and brought us adorable outfits.  They cared for him after we were physically drained and adored our little boy into the wee hours of the morning.

I truly believe God has a plan for all of us and although the plan for Nicolas may not have been the plan we wanted, I now see the beauty in it all.  Nicolas was with us as we built many beautiful memories within our lives.  We will always have our own little St. Nicolas at Christmas and celebrate his birth into Heaven every New Year’s Eve.  The start of a new year allows for healing and renewal in our faith and love for one another.

We were forever blessed with a beautiful child.
Nicolas, “you're so much more than I ever dreamed. This is forever I believe”

From Bryan

The alter. Quilt donated from Minneapolis Childrens Hospital

Although Nicolas is no longer with us he will always live on in our hearts forever.  I am so proud of Natalie and the way she has dealt with things along the way from the initial diagnosis of Trisomy 18 she never complained once, she was proud to be carrying Nicolas.  Even though she was pregnant she would always make sure that there was food on the table for the girls and I when we would be getting home from work and other activities always putting our needs before her.  I will miss hearing Natalie say that was a good one or Nicolas didn't want to go to sleep last night and kept me up till midnight, I will also miss sitting on the couch with her and feeling the punches or head butts that Nicolas was doing inside. 

I had many plans for Nicolas and a few were teaching him how to ride a bike, throw a football or baseball and taking him to his first Twins games I will always treasure those memories in my heart of what I was going to do with him.

Once again I am so proud of Natalie and the girls on how they have handled everything that has been thrown at them.  I love them all very much.

33 Roses....One for each week of life.

 Noelle read the following poem
 
Memories
Author Unknown
If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We'd pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.

A thousand words can't bring you back
We know because we've tried....
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we've cried....

You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too....
But we never wanted memories

We only wanted YOU

Nicolas' hat and teddy was a present from Jena to me

Jena read this poem
An Angel Never Dies
Author Unknown

Don't let them say, I wasn't born
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave
I've loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold,
It doesn't mean I'm gone.
This world was worthy, not, of me
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face.
You have my word, I'll fill your arms
Someday we will embrace.

You'll hear that it was "meant to be,
God doesn't make mistakes"
But that won't soften your worst blow..
Or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do,
another child you'll bear.
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you'll understand.

Although, I've never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes..
That doesn't mean I never "was"
An Angel Never Dies........
~Unknown

Hand and foot prints of our precious boy