The hustle and bustle of the holidays is upon our family. I have been working very hard to get things in order for Christmas. It is amazing how busy this time of year is for me both personally and professionally. It feels like I will never get caught up let alone ahead of the game. As a family we are still working through the many steps we have to take to prepare for the birth of Nicolas. It is very overwhelming at times. The planning considerations are more than you could ever imagine. You have to work through so many scenarios that are not pleasant such as if he is stillborn, survives for a few hours, or is able to come home. All of which are very possible. So as much as we don't like to think about the death of our child, we have to plan for it not knowing when it may happen. It also means as a parent you have to prepare the siblings. Although Noelle and Jena have experienced death close to the hearts with the grandmother, they have yet to experience it this close to home and with someone so young and precious as their own brother. I am hoping my own personal experiences with death of a sibling (sister died at 10 from cancer when I was 15) and parent will help us become stronger as a family.
On Saturday, we are going back to Bella Angel Imaging for another 3D/4D ultrasound of Nicolas. I look forward to seeing his face and watch his antics again. The girls are both very excited and so is Grandma Mary. I am very appreciative that she is still mobile enough to experience this time with us. When my family is so little and having others in my family who have chosen not to connect, it is very special to have my Grandma with us. She is a great source of strength, love, and spirituality.
Next Friday, December 17th we go in for our next scheduled doctor's appointment. I am eager to see if all my hard work has been paying off and allowing Nicolas to continue to grow and develop. I eat very healthy and able to exercise over my lunch hour when work is not so busy. Combined with some good supplements, I am crossing my fingers that Nicolas is still on the charts and is over 2lbs or more.
During this time of year I always reflect upon my life and wonder where my life has yet to take me. It doesn't seem that long ago that my life was very different than it is today. Change is inevitable. Three years ago, my mom passed away after having complications from her ataxia. It was a sad moment for both me and the girls. It is hard to believe that it was 3 years ago today and on the day of the Immaculate Conception. Although my relationship with my mom was painstaking at times, I did appreciate her love for the girls and how she went out of her way as a Grandmother to them. Noelle and Jena had a very special place in her heart and she never let them forget that.
More later...
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